Justin and Kristin

Just Because She's So Darn Cute

I often change my wallpaper on my desktop and right now this is what graces the screen. Everytime I see it I can't help but smile. This little one simply makes me so happy!

When Just 5 Days Keeps 'em Out of Kindergarten...

 

you end up paying a million trillion dollars to send your 5 year old to preschool.

 

I had to give Sage something a bit more structured this year in ways of schooling. Missing the deadline for kindergarten by 5 days, and getting stonewalled in all my attempts to appeal that rule, meant a search for preschool This is quite the experience since I know people here who pay up to $20,000 for a year of preschool. Yes you heard right. These parents are paying more than I paid for my first year of college to send their 3-5 year olds to preschool. Insane. 

Luckily we were able to snag a spot in an excellent, educational based preschool (through the elementary school) for a lot less (but granted still more than I think you should pay for preschool). And I won't even get into the $15 a day they wanted for "Lunch Bunch," which after signing up for one day a week we discovered does NOT include lunch! Humph.

Sage has been so excited. So excited in fact, I was kind of taking it personally! :) A week or so before school was going to start, the fact that I was going to be without my little happy helper and ball of energy and entertainment for a whole huge 2 1/2 hours during the day was starting to sink in. I was a bit sad! I was sad for Cadence too, who was going to lose her best friend and playmate (and they have been playing so well together lately). One moment while I was hugging Sage I told her how much I was going to miss her while she was gone at school. Instead of getting a "Me too mommy" in return, (ok I admit I was fishing a bit which isn't like me at all - but sometimes motherly love makes you do desperate things) she just said, "It's ok mommy. I'll go to school and when it's over I'll be back."  That was hardly the comfort I was looking for, but sweet still the same. (Side note: Since then she has told me she will miss me a few times. Phew.)

These should be "First Day of Kindergarten" pictures, but what can ya do (As nightmares haunt my mind of an 18 year old Senior, dating older boys, driving her sophomore year, Cadence only one year behind in school....oh the extra drama that awaits just by starting a year later in school).

So the day finally came, and off she went, and she barely even looked back.

But at least she looked extremely happy to see me when I went to pick her up!

And just to make the "first day of school" all the  more amazing, why not go get ice cream on the way home?

You know, just to remind her who really is the best! ;)

She looks forward to it every day. I'm happy she is happy. But I still miss her.

What Having Mountains is All About: Utah Part 5

It was great being in Utah with the mountains again. I miss hiking on the weekends.

I think Sage missed the easy life of the beach because as you can see in this photo she is already a bit exhausted. She complained most of the way up about how hard it was, and how tired she felt. Oh geez.

Cadence, on the other hand tromped all the way up on her own and about 3/4 of the way down. Sage did catch the hiking spirit once things became easier on our way down. "I like hiking down the hill!" She proclaimed! Hey it's somethin'!

My mom joined in the excursions. She's always rip roarin' and ready for a good hike (or rib cracking - or maybe both? :) ). 

It was a beautiful day for a hike. Perfect weather and great scenery.

Nouvelle was excited about the hike as well, though she would have been way more content if we'd let her out to walk it on her own! She even managed to catch a nap! I always love it when they fall asleep in the backpack! How much better does it get? A nice little nap in the crisp mountain air!

 

We had a great summer vacation to Utah. When we came back to Boston and it had turned from smoldering, humid summer to a cool autumn.

Enjoying the New England Autumn.

Dreading Winter.

Remembering Utah.

Missing family and friends.

Friends and Family: Utah Part 4

Interspersed in all of our adventures was some time with dear friends. I wish I could have seen all of my friends out in Utah but it's amazing how quickly even two - three weeks of vacation time can get gobbled up! 

One of the things we looked forward to most was seeing our great friends the Hemmert's. It didn't seem long enough, but we were glad for the time we got and we hope we can have more visits soon!

Sage insists that she is marrying Isaac and that he is going to be her prince one day. I just think she likes bossing him around! :) It is fun to see them playing together better and better as they get older. We miss you guys!! And I'll leave it at that before I get too sad thinking about it!

 

We also got to see some friends from Boston who recently moved to Utah. The kids were very glad to see their old familiar playmates (though I think it took a bit to overcome the "out of context dilemma"). We look forward to meeting up with them - next time in Denver - right?

 

The hurricane delay allowed me extra time to reconnect with another friend who I haven't been in contact with for quite awhile. 

This is an example of the kind of rare friends in life where no matter the time, distance, separation, mistakes, hurts, offenses, or any of what life-experiences throw at you , that when reunited it's like you were never apart. That is true friendship. And thank goodness for a friend who appreciates my goofy, stupid side as well.

 

We also got spend a day with more cousins, which my kids absolutely gobbled up!

How dumb of me to not think to get a picture of all of them together (there are 9, yes NINE, in this brother's family!). Where were you on that one Mom? :)

(Seeing this picture is the first time I've ever seen Sage and thought, "Holy crap" she looks like me!" People tell me all the time that she does, but I just don't see it. Here I do. Thankfully, for her sake, she is the better version of me!)

They could have stayed and played all day, and I could have stayed and visited all day. I remember loving to play at my cousins house when I was a kid. I remember our parents sitting around and just talking (how boring!) and wondering what in the world was so fun about that. I get it now. It was weird being on the other side of things - the boring parents sitting around talking, and just fully enjoying watching the kids play and treasuring their time together! We sure wish we lived closer to cousins!

Sage's facial expression was completely unsolicited. What she was thinking I don't know, but I appreciate and love her dramatic flair!

,And yes, another picture of Nouvelle eating but it just is the time to best capture her intensity! I love how she has so much gusto in all that she does, and eating is one special moment of particular enthusiasm!

A New Take On a Old Love - Utah Part 3

Growing up I spent a lot of summers in Lake Powell with my dad. These are some of my favorite memories with him as a child. While I was on my mission he sold the boat and I swore I was going to disown him (mostly because he traded in Lake Powell for golf! Oh the travesty of it all!) After I was married he finally realized the errors of his ways and repented and has since been embracing the wonderful life of boating again (though still a bit overshadowed by golf - but we take what we can get! :) )

It was absolutely magnificent to be able to get down to Powell again.

Lake Powell basically takes my other favorite childhood memory (camping in southern Utah) and fills it up with water. What spectacular person decided to flood this area!? May I kiss you a million times over! The vibrant red rock with the bright blue sky, all reflected in the clear, soothing water below! Stunning!

The second we got onto the water my soul was calmed; That all encompassing peace that seems to make all right in the world.

15 years ago that peace could last for an entire weekend to week long trip. This time, it could last just a few moments before a child needed something, was crying, waking up from a nap, needed to be wiped, wanting to go and play, was hungry or tired, threw a tantrum, or was running around on a sugar high. But I took what I could get.

After the first night of virtually no sleep, due to one child waking another child, who woke another child, who then we would try, by any means possible, to keep from waking up the entire boat.... I knew I was in for it.... MAJOR SLEEP DEPRIVATION.

Was a week of lost sleep worth it? You tell me...

 

The first day or so the girls were a little unsure about the water and spent a lot of time on the beach making magnificent sand castles!

Okay, they had a little help.

 

And meet the master destroyer of all things castle!

I know she looks all cute and cuddly and super innocent, with her chubby little thighs, and her squishy cheeks - but trust me people - she not, she's not.

Soon though Sage and Cadence discovered the luxury of life-jackets and there was no getting them out of the water. 

They wanted to swim with Dad,

with mom,

with gramma,

with anyone and everyone, all day long, every single day!

 

Somehow in the midst of all this swimming we still were able to convince them to go on a few boat rides,

and a couple of fun hikes (or as I called them "adventures").

When I saw this picture of Cadence I about fainted. When did she start looking like a 14 year old, and where in the hell did she get those abs!

 

Who knew how tiring taking kids to Lake Powell was. Somehow we still found the energy for cliff jumping, wake-boarding (uh-hem), and skiing. The things no Lake Powell trip is complete without.

(*Superman IS the greatest super hero. You're fooling yourself if you seriously think you would choose to be any other super hero. Just a fact.)

This was the first time cliff jumping in Powell where I dove instead of jumped. Let's just say the first attempt was less than successful (I had a bruise up the entire outside of my left leg for weeks. Good for a great laugh at least.). This pic is my second attempt. A lot better result.

 

I've never been a big fan of wake-boarding. Let's just say I like to ski (both snow and water) like I take on life - straight forward and head on. My family knows I'm more than a little disappointed that most of them have given up on the TRUE sport of slalom skiing for wake-boarding - but I do have to admit some of them are pretty darn good at the thing!

Justin is even getting the hang of it pretty well himself!

Thank goodness for my bro Nick, who kept it real with me first thing each morning, as we headed for some sweet skiing.

Saaaa-weeeet! He rocks!

And for a light weight, I'm not so bad myself!

Definitely one of my favorite sports ever!

 

One afternoon the girls stayed back with gramma and "crazy uncle Nick" so we could go to Rainbow Bridge.

They played on him like this for about 10 or 15 minutes while he slept and he seriously didn't even wake up! Man, I wish I could sleep like that!

Yep, he's a crazy one, that's for sure. Just one of the many reasons we love him!

I hadn't been to Rainbow bridge in forever. We enjoyed the child-free afternoon taking in the rays with my dad, sister Amanda and our soon be be awesome bro-in-law Brandon.

 And what's the difference between a natural bridge and a natural arch boys and girls?

That's right; a bridge is made with water and an arch is made by wind. You get an A+

 

 

Breathtaking sunsets every night,

S'mores

and *fun* games every night (That's a big Twinkie) were just added pleasure to an already amazing trip.

 

Thanks to Dad and Mom(2) for putting together a fabulous trip to Lake Powell.

We know it's a lot of work. And we know, now, even more than ever how tiring it is to take of kids while you're there. So thanks for taking care of us!

And on a sentimental side note: About a year ago, my dad found himself literally at death's door. When he miraculously pulled through I told him I wanted him to be skiing by summer time. He seriously thought that would be impossible as he couldn't even stand and walk, let alone brush his teeth, or feed himself. I was thrilled to watch from the boat as he tried and tried and finally pulled himself up on that ski rope and showed us all how it's really done!n Thank heaven's for miracles.

I hope that we can have many more Lake Powell trips in the future; When our kids maybe don't have such high maintenance sleeping habits and especially when they will be able to hold onto the memories forever - just as I have!

 

Bye bye Lake Powell, hope to see you soon!

An Interlude of the 'Hart' - Utah Part 2

While we were in Utah we were lucky enough to have the opportunity to get together with my mission Presidents, the Harts, . They don't live in Utah, but due to some unfortunate trials they are dealing with they find themselves spending an enormous amount of time in Utah. Though I'm sad for their struggles, I was glad that it meant they were close enough to be able to see them in person! Though somewhat inconsistent (that dang distance thing again), I always cherish the time I get to spend with them. They have the most amazing ability to make you feel like you are the most important person in the world. Their love and warmth is addictive, and I just want to gobble it up by the spoonful! We had a great lunch were we did more talking than eating - just the way it should be with dear friends.

 

After lunch, President Hart introduced us to a wonderful place called Bruges.

Now some of you know that ever since living in Belgium and experiencing true Belgian waffles, nothing in the US can ever compare. Well, thank heaven's for this little place Bruges! It is owned and ran by a Belgian man who understands the importance of a genuine Belgian waffle, not to mention true fries (did you know that fries are actually from Belgium not France? Oh and so is fry sauce). 

Oh yes, even from the outside this waffle looks decedent, all decked out in strawberries and whip-cream, but trust me - it's what is inside that is truly spectacular! Little pearl sugars that caramelize as the waffle pastry is slowly cooked! Oh my..... I'm salivating just thinking about it.

 

Due to hurricane Irene hitting the east coast the day were were suppose to fly back, we missed the Joshua Radin and Sara Bareilles concert that I had wanted to surprise Justin with (truly the only reason I was disappointed to hear our flight was canceled and couldn't be rebooked for 5 days). We dealt with our "disappointment" by going to our favorite restaurant in the world: Franck's.

A quaint and charming restaurant with the most innovative and flavorful French food I've ever tasted! So, who better to share it with than the Hart's?! How special we felt that they would give up more of their time to be with us again! And as always, the conversation was magnificent, inspiring, and left me completely uplifted.

Can't you just see their sweetness, magnificence and love emanating from them!

Nous vous aimons Pres. and Soeur Hart! Can't wait to see you again!

Reliving the Dream: Utah Part 1

Nearly all of August was spent in Utah. It wasn't supposed to be this way, but when you get 5 extra days away from home due to a little hurricaine called Irene, that's how it ends up. No complaints here.

After 9 hours of flying and lay-overs, 3 melt downs, countless trantrums, and maybe about 1 hour of collabortive sleeeping on the plane

we arrived in SLC. Yippee!

Just to ensure full jet lag and fatigue Justin and I woke up at 5am to go on a long run (he 14; me 22 - mind you at altitude and up two different canyons!). It was great running together and enjoying humid free weather! 

Then we met up with two of my sisters and their kids at liberty park for bit of fun.

It has been, oh I don't even know how many years since my older sister and I have been together with every single member of our family present. Distance is a bummer. The time went too fast that afternoon and evening. I miss my sisters.

The next day Justin and I headed down to Zion National Park. Whenever we are in Utah we try our hardest to hike our favorite hike of all time - The Subway! Obviously I haven't done all the hikes in Utah, but I seriously doubt there are many that could contend with this hike.

To only elevate the experience we were able to hike with my other sister and her fiance, three of my brothers and some of my brother's kids!

The beatuy of the desert scapes in southern Utah is always breathtaking, no matter how many times I do this hike. A camera never quite captures what you see when you're there in person, but in my minds eye I remember the spectacular views perfectly!

So glad for Gramma, who made it possible to leave for a day or so and escape into nature!

The One Where I Publicly Share My Feelings, In Hopes That It Might Help Me Feel Better

I'm sad.

I've been pretty sad it seems for awhile now. Of course I get sad like everyone, but usually I can snap out of it pretty quickly. I'm not one to "get stuck" in anything for too long. However, this time I just don't seem to be able to shake it. I also usually do pretty well at making the best out of any given situation, to "turn life's negative aspects into something positive or constructive." But lately I can't seem to find the will to do that. I just feel like a different person.

I'm not much of a cryer either. I'd say I have a good cry maybe once a year or so (give or take a sad movie or two). This past little while I've felt like one of those emotionally unstable people who let their emotions control them instead of the other way around.  Don't get me wrong, I do think it takes courage to cry, just not over anything and everything....Having said that though, let's just say I've filled the cry quota for a few years. Justin must be wondering who this crazy, emotional mess is!

Now, I'm not so emotionally unstable right now that I don't know what I'm upset about. I mean it's not coming from no where. I guess I'm just worn down, or tired of a few different situations in my life.

Coming back from such an amazing trip to Utah were I was constantly surrounded by family and friends to then being alone all day with just my kids (though I adore them) was hard. Though I have Justin here, there is just something so rejuvenating about being around numerous people who completely know me. People who know everything about me, who know the real me, all of me; Who know the bad and the ugly and still love and accept me fully - and who also know the good and the incredible and are genuinely happy for me. Leaving them made coming back to Boston feel very lonely, and I guess a bit one-dimensional (if that makes sense). 

Then to magnify my potpourri of feelings two days later my husband/best friend, left to China for about a week. Let's just say the loneliness slammed me head on as soon as he left, and everything that I've been feeling sad about was magnified by 1,000.

Add on top of Justin being gone the fact that I wasn't able to get my running in as I normally do and it's a recipe for suicidal ideation (though, mind you, I do NOT have any suicidal ideation by ANY means - but you can imagine what it'd be like if I did!)

I'm not expressing myself here because I want you to feel sorry for me (in fact, your pity would almost be insulting) and I'm definitely not looking for "feel better" words of wisdom or advice (come on, give me a little bit of credit in my ability to know those things already for myself). However, if you happen to have a magic-wand that could change a few different things that are out of my control, I would gladly borrow it for a few hours.

Maybe in verbalizing my feelings openly for the world (and by "world" I mean the like half dozen or so of people who actually read this blog) it will help in getting me back to my "normal" place. I'm sure I won't be stuck here forever. It's just been lasting longer than I am used to and really bogging me down.

Thanks though to the family and friends who reminded me how much I value your consistency, reliability and support in my life. Because it's times like these that all I really need is just that: your consistency, reliability and support. So thanks to those of you who have been supportive, loving, and continually accepting through my current "thing" (ok, and most of the "things" I've had in my life for that matter!)

Now on that note I'll leave you with some of my favorite words regarding dealing with life struggles and things that are mostly out of our control; and maybe in a few days or so (or weeks, at the most hopefully) I'll put them back into practice.

"Sometimes the situation in which a man finds himself may require him to shape his own fate by action. At other times it is more advantageous for him to make use of an opportunity for contemplation and to realize assets in this way. Sometimes man may be required simply to accept fate, to bear his cross.

We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

- Viktor Frankl

 

Gramma Carrie

Justin's Gramma Carrie passed away on Thursday.

We will be thinking of her and his family today as we can't be there with them to remember and celebrate the life that she lived.

 

We're grateful her passing was quick and we know that she is in a wonderful place.

She was always very encouraging and loving to Justin and I. I cherish the words she wrote us throughout the years. She always hoped we could learn from the mistakes that she felt she made throughout her life, and gave us words of wisdom about life, love, marriage, parenting, and the gospel. I suppose that we all will probably be there someday; Looking back on our life, wishing we had made different choices, or had seen more clearly, or learned a lesson sooner - and just hoping that our wisdom and experience can help teach someone. That perhaps someone will at least gain or learn one small insight from the things we wish we could change form our past.

I'm glad that our kids were able to meet her at least once in this life before she passed.

We'll try and take at least some of her advice to be more loving, more caring, better communicators, to turn to the Lord for help in marriage, parenting, and life.

Rest in peace Gramma Carrie.

"The Best. Day. Ever!"

5 years ago our first child came into the world. I wasn't prepared for the love that would soon consume my soul and the adoration I would hold for this little child. It was one of the best days of my life. I feel so lucky today to have Sage as my daughter. She is so kind, thoughtful, and has the most untainted, unsoiled, perspective on life (yes even more than most "normal" 4-5 year olds). She is amazingly positive and happy about nearly anything and everything, and this positive exuberance is completely  infectious. She just believes the best in everything and everyone. Believe me, I have given her many reasons to think I may just not be the most amazing mother ever; but day after day she always runs to me with open arms, expressing her undying love for me and her pure belief that I am the best ever! "Mom, you're my best!" It never gets old! I know this can't last forever, but I gobble it up each and every day that I can! She is quick to laugh, easy to love, and always fun to be around. Each year gets more and more exciting. I can't wait to see what the next one brings!

For her birthday she really wanted a "Tangled" birthday cake. Though I resisted at first, I caved and gave in to making yet another princess themed cake this year. But after the final pieces of fondant were placed, the last of the frosting was pipped, and the layers of caked successfully stacked and stable....I have to admit, I'm glad I gave in. This was a fun cake to work on, and I think it was one of my best yet (if I do say so myself!) and more importantly Sage LOVED it!

Quite the cake to make on a "non party" year.

Thankfully we had some good friends who were willing to come over for a low key celebration and help us eat some of this massive tower!

And if you can't tell, the "Rapunzel" theme was embraced fully.

Happy Birthday to my amazing Sage, the time is going too quickly!