Justin and Kristin

Haitian Love

It's been a few months since our family was moved to the Haitian ward here in Boston (this brought on because both Justin and I speak french; but the story is actually a lot more complicated - but a bit too complicated, as well as spiritual, to write all down here).The past months in our new ward have presented us with a few challenges and yes, some major adjustments, but lately I have been overwhelmed by the "amazing" of our experience - or rather the AMAZING of the Haitian people. Of course we are all human. We are all imperfect people. We all have areas to improve upon and change. All we can really do is just daily try to be better, but despite the imperfectness of us all, these people show near perfection in the areas of life that I think truly matter most! Christ-like love.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and warmth of the Haitian people. Never before have I felt so accepted and welcomed completely by every single person in a ward. If there are divisions or cliques there, I am oblivious to them. They genuinely seem to care about each and every person. They are concerned truly about everyone's well being. There is no pretense, no "fashion-show" no popularity contest, no flaunting of "greater" sprituality or knowledge, no judgment. They are thoughtful, giving, selfless, forthright, and loving. They are the kind of people that when you miss a day of church 6 different people, some of whom you don't really even know their name yet, call you to make sure you are ok! Where near strangers buy Christmas gifts for your children! Where "random" people will just sit down and join your family in the chapel. Everyone greets you with a smile and truly wants to know how you are doing! They act as if we have been in their ward all along. We feel a part of the "family." This warmth and acceptance came at the perfect time in my life. What a welcome gift from God in our lives. Any of the challenges or struggles that we may face with this change of wards is made up every week by the true Christ-like love of the wonderful people!

I wish we all could be a little more like these new friends of mine and show true Christ-like love to everyone no matter who they are at all times, thinking not of ourselves but always of others. They are my example.

"Runners Are Wild"

Since the beginning of the year we've managed to get two races in already! Yes we've been busy! :) It's turned out that these races have been key in kick starting my butt back into "training" mode. Not that I have a ton of races planned or anything officially, but it's good to have some bit of specific running "expectations." That way I don't just always go out the door with a big question mark hanging over my head as far as distance or speed (though that had it's enjoyment for awhile as well). 

The first race (in honor of the new year) we did as a family with strollers and all. Nothing like trying to run a race pushing a double stroller half the way, not to mention into coastal head winds! We had a blast though, which is most important! We even managed to finish respectably given our "stroller" challenge (How's 7:08 min miles for 4 miles?)! Really I don't know how many more races we'll be able to do with the strollers! These kids are getting so heavy!

I thinks it's kind of funny though. Everyone at the starting line was trying to make sure they were in front of us. I even heard one guy say there was no way he was going to get stuck behind us! I remember passing him even before we even hit mile one, and he became just one of the 705 people we finished in FRONT of! I think we placed like 65th overall! So there! :) We're no wussie jogggers her folks! We're hard core runners! We're wild!! :)

It was a beautiful day. Sunny and crisp! A great way to ring in a new year!

 

Next was a trail race.

My first official trail race. Now this wasn't some ultra marathonish, up a major mountain, extreme hard-core trail race, but even in it's "novice" trail race-ism it still completely kicked my butt! A "hilly and challenging course" with both single and double tracks.  Heaven's to Betsy!  I thought I was going to have a heart-attack the entire race! Here's an image of one of the many short steep hills.

There were some long steep hills, and some of these short steep ones. No I did not walk. Not once. That is what I'm most proud of. The single track lasted a few miles and was challenging. There was virtually no passing unless someone in front of you was kind of enough to step aside for a moment. Around mile 2 a few people did just that. I'm sure they were a little less than please to see that I was a girl. The single track puts a lot of pressure on you not only keep up with the guy in front of you but more so not to hold up the guy behind. It really challenged and pushed my limits.

There were definitely more than a few curse words spewn from my mouth as I pushed my body beyond what I thought it was capable of.

"Runners are wild....running is anything but civilized. Just look at the faces of the first five guys [or girls] to cross the line at any 10k. Not exactly the kind of expression you can wear to a dinner party." -PearlIzumi

I rest my case.

Not the most attractive photo of me. The spit that I didn't have enough breath to launch further than the front of my shirt. The panting exhale of my breathing. The tension in my body. And the pain and exhaustion all over my face.

The look of a woman running the last .25 miles to her FIRST-place OVERALL women finish! 

Though I don't expect to keep this overall winning standard I seem to have set for myself, it was a fun and exhilarating - not to mention, agonizing and excruciating, start to the year!

 

I have to mention that Justin kept up amazingly well, and finished third in his age division - the best he's ever done - even despite the two dry-heaving spells he had along the way! So dignified!

Yep running is definitely ANYTHING but civilized! Part of the reason I love it so much!

Bullet Points to End the Year

I'm not feeling inspired to post much or many details about all the festivities in December so I'm going to give it to you bullet point format.

"Crazy" Uncle Nick (as my kids call him) comes back into town, much to the joy of our household!

Intense - I mean INTENSE gingerbread house making endeavors which overtook our kitchen for two days! It was like a gingerbread house explosion in there! We were very proud of our results!

 

Delicious Christmas Eve tradition of Fondue with our friends. Olivia, whom I met on my mission in Belgium, can truly appreciate the fondue and brought a light and luscious buche de noel - one of my all time favorite Christmas traditions from my mission.

Christmas Eve snugglies with the cutest and smooshiest children alive!!!!

 

Christmas morning was relaxing and fun. Everyone enjoyed unwrapping their presents!

 

And we finally gave our kids the rocking Eeyore that Justin made when I was pregnant with SAGE! It has moved with us to be stored from CO to NC to UT and finally here in MA, just hiding and biding its time until the time was right! The original rocking horse was made by my dad before I was born. My mom redesigned it into Eeyore with her artistic perfection and Justin did all the cutting and assembling. The paint and embellishing was a team effort! (Somebody's toe is bound to get crushed under the thing I just know it.)

 

A relaxing Christmas afternoon with our dearest friends.

 

Another fun photo shoot with the bro. For more from this shoot click HERE.

 

Though we were far from the entire family even just having Nick here helped everything feel complete, along with friends who for all intents and purposes are our family here.

 

It was a fabulous Christmas holiday! We hope everyone else had a great season as well.

Now on to 2012...wait. I thought it was still 2010. I'm getting old.

This Just-in

A bit behind in posting. You know how the holidays suck you up and don't spit you out again until the New Year! It's a good thing right? So here we go with some catch up. December 17th was Justin's birthday. Having come out of a week or two of sickness in our household it was tough getting my act together. I was a bit disappointed in myself especially since his birthday was on a Saturday which meant we could have had all day to celebrate! It wasn't what I'd consider an extra ordinarily awesome birthday for him, but we still did some fun things.

Sage's present was learning to ride her bike without training wheels! Wahoo! Go Sage!

and we got to see Santa!

(I admittedly, and perhaps a bit sadistically, like these photos with babies crying on Santa's lap. I think they are hilarious! Thanks Nouvelle for not letting us down!)

 

The best was getting out on a date with just Justin and eating at one of our new favorite restaurants, 

and then hitting the Parker Omni House Hotel for supposedly the original Boston Cream Pie (Boston Cream being one of Justin's all time favorites!). This certainly was a decadent little dessert, but shhh don't tell, I think I'd take a Boston Cream Pie Donut from Dunkin' Donuts!

 

One thing for sure, we are glad to have Justin in our life. He is a calming force, a sound of reason, a source of support, and  an endless supply of love. He is an understanding man, who sees no discrepancy between women's role and man's - but that we all share in our family responsibilities. He is the person we miss most when he is away, and the person we all look forward to seeing when he returns. He is definitely everyone's favorite person in this house. Thank goodness we have him. Happy Birthday to the love of my life and the best dad in the whole entire world!

From Us To You!

They certainly are! 

More on our fun Christmas festivities to come, once the excitment dies down! Hope everyone is having a great day! We miss our famiy and friends who are far away, but we are enjoying the ones we have here!

Merry Christmas!

Nothing Like Dilapidation

Like my previous post stated while my bro Nick was in town we were able to go out for a photo shoot. I have fun shooting him 'cause he doesn't need much direction, he holds still, and is patient with me while I find better lighting, cooler backgrounds, and fix my camera settings.

For years I've been driving past a certain dilapidated building on my way to and from work. Everytime I see it I have just felt drawn to capture some sort of life in front of it's baren backdrop. I don't know, it just seems poetic and artistic to me in some way.

I was glad for a willing participant to ignore the "No Tresspassing" signs and sneek a few shots before we couldn't risk leaving ourselves to the cops any longer. :)

 

Here's a few of my favorites.

For more from this photo shoot click HERE

 

 

 

 

Trottin' Little Turkeys

We were so excited to know that my brother Nick was going to come for Thanksgiving. Sage couldn't stop telling people: her friends, teachers, random people at the store. We were glad for her enthusiasm while waiting for her "crazy" uncle Nick to come into town. 

I had a few things I wanted to accomplish with him while he was in town. 

One: get him to catch the fire of running races

Two: eat a LOT of good food

Three: introduce him to the exhilarating world of the "long run"

Four: Have a fun photo shoot with a more docile subject than my ADHD children

Five: Chill, relax, catch up, laugh, create great memories

 

I think we accomplished all of these things!

Thanksgiving morning Nick and I joined in on a Turkey Trot 5k. It was meant to be just an enjoyable race. However, I couldn't let myself take it too easy. I still pushed myself pretty hard, and managed to pull my fastest min/mile ever and got a great new 5k PR! Given the "break" I'm taking it was quite the surprise and I'm pretty proud of my time! The $25 award money was nice too! ;) I seriously don't know how I ran that fast! Wahoo!

Nick caught the fire of racing, the thrill of a cheering crowd, the energy of running amongst so many people, and the sense of accomplishment of pushing yourself to your limit.

Way to go Nick! He seriously did awesome for his first official 5k ever!

 

And what a small world! I ran into my running buddy from the Bar Harbor Marathon! Even from a distance I recognized her seriously amazing body (I know that sounds creepy, but seriously she is so buff and tone - especially for a 50 year old! :) ) It was fun to see her and catch up. I know we only spent about 4 miles together during the marathon but there is just something so bonding about sharing in someone else's physical and mental struggles that connects you on a deeper level. I hope I "run" into her again soon! :)

Thanksgiving was great. Great food, great company, great conversation, great memories.

 

The rest of the weekend was completely relaxing with beautiful weather and fun times. Nick and I went on his longest run ever, and believe or not he's talking about doing a marathon now! That would be so fun to see him run one! Here's hoping!

We got to do a fun photo shoot, just him and I, right before he left (That post to come soon).

We really loved having him here. I'm glad he lives close enough to make these kind of visits possible and we are all already looking forward to the next one!

The Chilly Half

After our last half marathon Justin has been on a mission - Beat his last half marathon time (I teased him that really he just wanted to beat MY last half marathon time, but he adamantly denies that). 

He trained pretty hard for this and went out and did amazing! The weather was great for him and the girls and I had a crazy fun time chasing him from spot to spot to cheer him on!

 

Though a lot of the autumn leaves had fallen it was still a beautiful course through Newton, MA.

 

He was going so fast I nearly missed him at a few points. And unfortunetly my running gloves became a casualty of war in the hustle and bustle of getting three kids in and out of the van.

 

Apparently there was a stretch of some serious hills on this run (I should really just make Justin write about his experience himself - ah well). This is just after the last of it aorund mile 8 or 9. He's still looking good, though he said at this point he was starting to really fatigue.

 

And then he came SPRINTING into the finish line! He said he was bound and determined to pass some dude he'd been following the entire race!

And he did it! He beat his last half marathon time...and *gulp* mine as well.

I guess I have my work cut out for me.

Way to go  on a new PR Justin!!

 

On a side note: I was a bit worried that I would get out there watching him race and wish I were doing the race as well. But nah, I was good. I guess it was a true sign that the "break" I'm taking from serious running/training/racing is much needed (and now my family and close friends can start laughing as they know what milage a "break" looks like for me still! But hey it's still a mental break of sorts right?!)

Thankful for...

So many people have been doing this whole daily thankful thing this month. I knew that would only be setting me up for failure. There's no way I would have been able to post daily with all that has been going on this month. But don't worry, I've still been thinking about what I'm thankful for! Attitude of gratitude and all that...

Last week I was at a Thanksgiving themed church activity.  They took a moment to let individuals share what they are grateful for. As I listened, I agreed with many of the things that people shared and am also grateful for all those things - you know. The "normal" things - family, health, the savior, freedom, Nutella (particularly agree with that one! :) ) but as I sat there I contemplated a bit more, and asked myself deep down, what am I the most grateful for at this moment based on the past year that I've experienced?

I realized that I am most grateful that I know who I am. Truly who I am.

I am who I am no matter what happens to me, no matter what experience or person may let me down, no matter if health or even life fails me in some way. I'm ok through it all because I know who I am. I am not someone that is dependent on fleeting self-esteem, or outside sources to make me feel good about myself or worthwhile. No matter what comes my way I always have myself and who I am. I am grateful that this knowledge grounds me, sustains me, and brings peace to my life.  I know too many people that don't know who they truly are; who allow anything and everything outside of themselves and their control to decide how they feel about themselves. That can be a sad, confusing, chaotic and lonely place.

I'm so grateful for the teachings and experiences that have helped me to develop, recognize, and embrace who I am: A passionate, powerful, and loving woman. A child of God. A wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend.

I have worth, infinite and unchanging. Knowing this is what I am most grateful for in my life.

 May you know who you are and love who are! Happy Thanksgiving!

A Week of Wendy

What does it mean to have a week of Wendy?

For my kids it means fun and silliness and a great play companion, WAY more cool than their dumb ol' mom!

For me it means constant adult interaction, a great excuse to get out of the house, and being able to spend time with the one person besides my husband who completely "gets" me.

For Wendy it means getting to experience the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of New England in the fall. 

Here's just some of the fun things we did:

 

Walden Pond

where the girls spent most of their time throwing rocks into the water.

 

Harvard:

 

Regina Pizzeria for the best pizza ever!

 

The Freedom Trail

which ended with delicious Boston Cream Fried Dough one day, and a canoli the next!

 

Wellesley College

 

Then Wendy and I took a girls get-away weekend to NYC.

We got to see my brother, Nick.

 

Hang out in The Big City

 

See Wicked on Broadway

 

 

And some crazy weird, unexplainable show called Fuerza Bruta, which can only be compared to a strange dream.

Oh and did I mention that not only does a see-through stage hang above you filled with water and dancers, but it POURS rain on the audience at the end? (Sorry spoiler alert!)

We were DRENCHED!!! So much fun! So wildly unique!

 

 

We had delicious food the entire weekend with Nick

 

Central Park

and happened upon the NYC marathon.

What surprised me most was that my brother could NOT tear himself away from it. He just HAD to keep watching - at the sacrifice of our chocolate shake - which I was totally ok with! It was fun to see someone in my family "get it" with the whole marathon thing!

 

Then back in Boston we got to enjoy the North End and the South End of downtown Boston

and a fabulous picnic and afternoon at the Boston Public Garden

Justin even got to join us for a bit during the day. I wish he could have joined us for even more of the fun!

 

What a great visit. It was fun to have Wendy in town. We missed her when she left and hope it's not too long before she can visit again.

 It's wonderful to have friends where you both feel that you can totally be yourself with each other;  silly, mellow, talkative, vulnerable, and everything in between. No judgment, no awkwardness; nothing but just pure friendship. What a refreshing feeling! 

Thanks Wendy for being just that kind of friend!

We LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!!

Halloween - The Best Holiday Ever

The Nor Easter storm got in the way of a few Halloween festivites this year. First off, they canceled the ward trunk-or-treat activity - Bahumbug!! If it were up to me I would have still had it, at least put us in the church. Come on! The snow didn't really start falling until the event would have been over anyway. But hey, I'm willing to go to much greater lengths, than most, for the sake of the best holiday ever!

We were going to be ghosts. That was the plan. All the way up to my trip to JoAnns for fabric, a week before Halloween. Walking into the store Sage decided to throw a fit and DEMAND that she be able to dress up like a witch. I thought Cadecne would have my back with the ghost thing, but alas I was betrayed! I succomb to the pressure, but only beacuse it could have been worse. She could have been demanding to be a princess - which we all know I would have NEVER given in to! :) 

So witches it was!

The storm and cold weather also got in the way of me taking some "official" photo documentation of our Halloween costumes this year. Ah shucks. We did layer up our clothes and go trick-or-treating and I snagged some in the dark while we were out at least.

The girls once again LOVED trick-or-treating! Who can blame them though right? We started the night with some friends,

and then ended up back at our neighborhood just to top us off! If it weren't for the cold I may have let them go all night! :) 

Sage said her favorite thing about Halloween was going trick-or-treating to new houses.

Cadence said her favorite thing was making pumpkins.

 

Nouvelle doesn't look happy in this picture, but it was just cause we were forcing her to wear this hat. Trust me. She was so into this it was ridiculous! I couldn't believe how she caught on to the whole run up to a door, knock, say "trick-or-treat" and getting candy thing! Maybe having two older examples helped, but I'm just going to tell myself it's because she is as into the greatest holiday as I am! :)

A Devil of a Chase

or more accurately The Devil's Chase 6.66

Two years ago we ran this race while I was pregnant with Nouvelle and we had a blast! We thought we would have a redo where she could fully enjoy the sights and sounds of this race. We figured this would be one of the last races that we could run with the girls in the jogging strollers since Sage is outgrowing ours! 

So following along with tradition we all got dressed up as devils and braved the 30 degree weather.

I have to say I was completely excited to have a race to run solely for enjoyment. And I did. I completely enjoyed every single second of this race. I think I smiled the entire time.

The only complaint I had was that we had to start in the VERY back (because of our strollers - which weren't "technically" allowed). It was rough getting through all the crowds of runners. The first year we ran it there were only something like 500 runners. This year there were over 1200! And boy do some of those people run a 10k slow! But none-the-less, it made for an adventurous run and girls loved the crazy dodging in and out of people, up on side walks, 4-wheeling onto the grass, the "competitive" banter between me and Justin, all the amazing devil costumes as well as a few random others.

I enjoyed the sights and scenery of Salem in the Fall, the quaint town, the cheering crowds out in front of their homes (watching the "crazy" runners make their way through the small streets in the freezing cold), running "just for fun", being with Justin and our girls, and cinnamon doughnuts waiting at the finish! I think this is one of my favorite races venues ever. I love the course, I love the sights, and the enthusiasm and vibe of this race.

I'm totally up for it again next year. I wonder if Sage could run it with me instead of pushing her the entire way!? Ok maybe not for a few more years.

MAINEiac ...

...That's how I thought about starting this post a week or so ago; before I knew what was in store for me during the Mount Desert Marathon, in Bar Harbor Maine that I just ran. This post was then supposed to be filled with stories of what a "maniac" I was as I threw this race down like it was nobody's business! I guess it's about time I had a race that didn't go as planned, but for more of the "wrong" reasons than right.

After you read this entire post you'll probably be left thinking I'm crazy for feeling the way I do about this marathon. Especially those of you who (in my opinion) think that all that matters in running a race is your end time (or min/mile). If you've been reading my running posts over the past few years you'll know that I appreciate a good finishing time, placement or PR just as much as the next guy. I guess the point of this post will be the proof that those are only secondary to my first two goals: Enjoying myself, and doing my best in every way - but mostly beating down the mental battle that comes with racing.

Let's start at the beginning:

The day before the race Amy and I drove the course to see what was in store for us.

We saw a whole lot of incredible!

This course runs mostly along the southern end of Mount Desert Island and in and out of the Acadia National Park. It was voted the second most beautiful marathon in the world by Runners World. That's the main reason that I chose to run this particular marathon. I wanted an amazing experience, beautiful, and something that I could just truly enjoy!

I guess I kind of noticed the constant hills during our drive, but I suppose I was a bit distracted; as evidenced above.

But it wasn't the hills I was worried about. What gave me pause for concern was how I felt the day before on my "keep it fresh" 2 mile run. I coughed the entire run, felt like I couldn't breath, and generally didn't have any energy. I knew that if I felt that way on race day I would be in for it - heaven forbid if I felt worse. I had been in denial about the onset of some sort of sickness. My attempts to OD on Vitamin C, Zinc, Echinacea, and any other helpful remedies was not going as planned. 

I tried to stay positive as the race began,

A little chilly, but I knew that would turn into perfect running weather once I got moving! 

And as predicted the weather was beautifully perfect the entire run. Overcast to partly sunny and around the 50's the entire run. Couldn't have been better.

I knew what splits I needed to hit to achieve the time that I knew I was capable of getting. I set off doing what was "expected" of me. The coughing started soon into mile one. That lasted about 3 - 4 miles before it thankfully subsided. I tried to keep the thoughts of doom out of my mind but the reality was I was already tired by the time I hit mile 2. Ahead of me awaited 24.2 more miles, all to be run on sheer will power, and whatever remaining energy I could somehow discover or magically create.

I talked with a few people along the way to distract me. It helped. Soon enough I realized all those hills I had "missed" the day before. A man at the starting line had off-handedly stated, "Don't ever choose a marathon with 'Mount" in the title." I laughed at the time. Oh so witty. Now his words made a lot more sense!

This is what it was like: up, up, down, up, dowwwwn, up, down, up, down, up, up, up, up, dowwwwwn, up, down, up, down, up, down, down, down, up, up, down,up, up, up, uuuuup......you getting the idea?

We were either running up or down. Not a whole lot of flat stretches here folks.

But beautiful. Just keep focusing on the beautiful....I tried.

Mile 6. And yes I realize that this 50 year old lady next to me looks in better shape than me! I can only aspire to her fitness when I'm her age! We had fun conversation until she slowed up around mile 10. I decided to stay to myself after that to make sure I kept on target with my pace goals. The distraction of talking had been nice but made staying focused on my pace a bit harder. Though now in hind sight, it probably would have been better for me mentally if I'd just stuck with a buddy. Justin, Amy, where were you when I needed you!? :)

On my own now I looked forward to seeing Justin and the girls at mile 11 or so.

I was hanging in ok, but really still having a hard time breathing.

About at mile 14 is when my biggest challenge hit me.

See in any marathon there comes a point for everyone (who is running their race the "right" way) where they hit a mental wall, which may or may not coincide with a physical wall they most likely will hit as well. The toughest wall to get through is the mental one. For most marathoners this comes sometime after mile 20. For me this wall came at mile 14.

The wall consists of a mental debate you have with yourself.

"I should just stop running. There's no way I can sustain this for 'x' more miles."

"No I can do it. I've trained for this. I'm am totally capable."

"Maybe I'm not, though. I feel like crap. I'm so tired. I want to just walk, or maybe I should just sit down and rest for a minute."

"There is no way I am going to sit down or even walk for that matter! I am way tougher than that. I can take this. This pain won't kill me. I just need to hold on a little longer."

"Walk!"

"NO!"

"This is never going to end!"

"No! The faster I run the faster this will be over."

And so on..... You get the idea.

I am very good at pushing through this debate all the way to the end. I pride myself on this ability of mine, if you will. I value the mental power that I posses. It has taken a lifetime to develop, and I don't stray from it easily. It is one of my greatest strengths.

But when Justin called me at mile 15 to see how I was doing, I didn't have good news to share. I was really struggling breathing and I already felt like quitting! The mental wall had been hit, and I was currently doing all I could to knock it down, climb over it, or some how completely demolish it! I asked him to just stay on the phone with me. I couldn't do much but listen and just find comfort in the fact that he was there. That phase of the debate doesn't usually hit me until the last couple miles. Here I was at mile 15, with 11.2 more miles to go and already shutting that part of my brain down! Mayday! Mayday!! Runner already in distress! Big time trouble ahead!

He was waiting for me at mile 18 and I just tried to hang on until then. I even was able to still manage a sort of smile.

 

Nouvelle was a great little cheerer when she got the chance. How could you not help but try and smile if you saw this cute little thing clapping for you?

 

At mile 20 I was still on track with my pace expectations. Close to losing it, but still holding on as best I could. But at around mile 20 comes about 5 miles of consistently long up hills with very few down hills for any sort of respite (Refer to graph above). Mile 20 marks when I fell off pace. I was suppose to be shifting into high gear at 7:45 min/miles, which I probably could have done - minus the sickness (I had now finally admitted I was dealing with) and those motha lovin' hills! It was all I could do to just maintain the pace I had set up to this point.

Justin was waiting again around mile 20.5. As you can see I'm done smiling, and I don't even wave or acknowledge that he is there. By now the debate in my mind is RAGING and I'm losing more than winning.

The real, seemingly endless hills start now.

This is what the start of defeat looks like at mile 22:

At mile 23 or so I think is the point where I lost most of my ability to debate with myself all together. I lost sight of all of the powerful mantras that are used to get through the toughest miles. The only thing I was successful at was not stopping and not walking, despite the SCREAMING in my head to just give up.

At this point I was absolutely sure that I didn't look like this (Exhibit A):

But like this (Exhibit B):

and I kind of got mad at Justin for telling me "You're lookin' great! Looking strong!" and "You got this!" I mustered up enough energy to tell him, "I hate it when you say that!" I know horrible, inconsiderate wife! I just couldn't handle hearing it one more time! Hey we all have our weird breaking point. I guess mine comes around mile 23 or so as the pain creates an aggressive monster who I can only compare to a woman in labor! I claim guiltlessness. The endorphins, testosterone, or whatever, made me do it!

The start of mile 25 was down hill - finally - and it was all I could do to speed up even a little bit. My legs where shot by this point too. And then some kind soul decided to end the last .5 miles or so on another upgrade. Geez, thanks. So considerate of you! Somehow I made it across the finish line.

That's right power-walkin' across the finish line. No, give me some credit. Of course I ran across. In fact, I felt like I was sprinting. Evidently not (Refer to picture Exhibit B above).

Even though the clock said 3:34:57 - something like 22 minutes faster than my last marathon just 7 months ago, and 3 minutes faster than the first 26.2 miles of my 50k back in June (both of which were my first and second time goals for this race) I couldn't help but feel completely defeated. Not quite a complete failure, but pretty crappy none-the-less. I didn't do as well as I could have, was "suppose" to. I feel like I wasted all that physical training. My mental strength had been depleted, completely sucked out of me. I didn't even have the ability to think clearly, let alone breathe. In fact it had been so hard to breathe throughout the run that when I finally stopped I was so light headed I thought I'd pass out. Instead I just had Justin hold me up for a few minutes.

This was definitely the worst (meaning hardest) race I've run up to this point. I guess every runner needs a "failure" under their belt. Yes, yes, I know, I know. This is where most people will start to think I'm crazy. I told you when you first started reading this that you would think that, didn't I? I know. I did "amazing" I got an "amazing" time. But really you must realize that what matters to me most when running is how I feel I met the challenge placed before me mentally. Though I didn't walk or stop (thank heavens I can at least say that) I feel like the race got the best of me mentally - and that just isn't suppose to happen - not to me! :) 

I've been trying to gain perspective on this over the days since the race. Finally getting over my bronchial cold or whatever it was, has helped me find the energy to think a bit more clearly. I realize I was faced with a mental challenge unlike most I've faced in running up to this point. I've never had to survive that mental debate for so long (gives me pause in ever considering truly getting into more ultra marathons - or maybe this was the perfect mental endurance training run?). 11 miles is a long time to fight that mental battle. Six is a long time. Eleven? It did me in. 

I'm glad I finished. I beat two time goals. I"PRed." I placed well (blah blah blah). I'm proud I didn't walk. I'm even more proud I didn't quit. I don't want to think about another big race for awhile - but let's face it, I probably will sooner than later.

*side note: The day after the race I was even more sick. I came home from the Dr.'s with an antibiotic and an inhaler. Nothing like a day late and a dollar short.

What's the Big Deal About Maine?

Not that I didn't believe people when they told me how great Maine was, but I don't know; it's hard to believe until you've seen it for yourself. I mean it's this nondescript state that just sits up on its own, minding it's own business, and not usually demanding a lot of attention. But I'll tell you what, I get it now. Maine is pretty spectacular! Or at least the parts of it that we saw are! I'm sure it helped that we made our first experience with Maine at Arcadia National Park. Our main purpose for hitting Maine was the marathon I was planning on running - but I'm still working up the energy to talk about that so you'll have to wait a bit longer for my marathon update. For now let me share some of the more relaxing, enjoyable parts of our trip.

It always adds a bit more to a vacation when you can go with friends and stay in a beautiful house instead of cramming yourself into a hotel room. It was fun to have some extra time with our great friends the Kyle's (of whom, Amy would be running the maraton as well). With kids and life it always seems like most our visits with friends are short lived.This time they were stuck with us for two days! Yay!

We spent some time in Bar Harbor enjoying the quaint little town,

 

hanging out at the house

 

and my favorite part, walking along the sand bar as the tide went out. We tried to make it to the island on the other side, but just couldn't get our kids ourselves to hang on that long.

The girls absolutely loved it. Collecting sea shells, running along the sand, and stepping in puddles. It's kid paradise!

Nouvelle left with an overdose of her daily intake of sodium along with an extra helping of grit; but it was just too fun to watch her fascination with the salty sand.

 

Cadence LOVED finding cool and different shells and putting them in her bucket.

 

Sage just wanted to run and run and run.

 

 

It was a beautiful time in Bar Harbor. Wonderful enough to make me want to go back and tack on at least one extra day to the trip.

Snow shoeing in winter? Anyone up for it?

Got Estrogen?

The Tufts 10k certainly does! With 7,000+ women running this 10k there certainly was enough to go around.

This was suppose to be an enjoyable little 10k with friends. It didn't quite go as expected. Start off with 87 degree weather (yeah I know that is nothing compared to the 90+ degree weather I trained in all summer - but after weeks of temps in the 40-60's it was quite a shock to the system!

*Blatant disregard for this thought process - Thanks a lot Mother Nature).

I was suppose to run with these guys

But one by one we all ended up getting separated from each other. Once I found myself running sans companions, I just wanted the race to end so I could get out of the heat. So I pushed it a bit harder for the last two miles and this is how I ended the race - all alone. Ah well.

 

These are the people who did NOT see my cross the finish line (due to some "miscommunication").

Poop on that. I guess I was just running so fast they couldn't recognize the blur of me sprinting by. Whatever.

I didn't think I should run this as an all out race (due to my upcoming marathon) but I did end up pushing a little bit harder than I had in last years race and it certainly felt harder with the heat factor. The thing I find super interesting (if we're looking at this race for any measure of improvement over the last year) is that I ran this race about 10 minutes faster than last year, last year felt like an easy run this year felt like a harder "normal" run, the weather conditions were worse this year - but my average heart rate for this race was 9 bpm lower! Hmmm interesting. Kind of a cool way, I normally don't look at, to see improvement. Good to know the heart is ticking on healthier!

Glad I did the race. It's always empowering to run with all those women! Go Estrogen! Or something like that.

At Least She's Honest

The other day as Cadence woke up from her nap she grabbed my hand and in her sweet, tired voice said:

"I love you Mommy. I love you, and Daddy, and Sage, and Nouvelle."

To which I responded:

"Oh thanks, sweetheart. And you know we all love you. All of us."

Her reply was:

"Yeah. Sometimes I like you. But sometimes I don't like you."

 

Well at least she's honest.

And here's to hoping that she has more moments where she likes me than doesn't.

Tis The Season

I've given you a break from my running ventures for long enough. And considering it's race season again it should only be expected that I'm going to just have to share a few more stories.

I like fall racing season. I think in general things during a fall race have a greater chance of going a bit better than spring races. After running in the freezing winter months, spring races have the potential to break you physically if the weather takes a sudden turn to a heat wave. On the contrary, after training in the melting, stifling heat of summer fall races are usually* a welcome respite.

We thought that we would go for a repeat race  to see if we could do better than our previous times. There's nothing like aiming for a PR on the exact same course. I think it's a truer measure of the progress you've made. The only variable is the weather; everything else is more or less the same. So what better way to compete with yourself?

So off we went to run the Salem Wicked Half Marathon again.

Last year I had only been back to running after Nouvelle's birth for about 4 months, amongst a slew of other struggles. I was still proud of my time then - but this year went remarkably better!

Once again though, I wasn't quite feeling ready for this race. After getting back from Utah it has been hard to feel back to myself completely. A lot of things haven't been as enjoyable as they normally are, and even running has been hard for me to do. For the past month I've had to really convince myself to get out the door to go running. Of course I am always glad I do, but...well it's been hard.

The night before the race I didn't even know what goals to set for myself. I admit I was kind of floundering. I thought maybe I would just run it along with whatever Justin was hoping to do (If I could keep up with that). Plus this was just a trial race to help me prepare for my bigger race coming up in a few weeks (which, by the way, I have also been feeling unsure about. What can I realistically expect from myself? Did I peak back in June and now I'm just coasting along or barely hanging in there? How hard can I push myself? etc etc etc). 

(Maybe I shouldn't point out, but I just can't help myself - doesn't Justin have the greatest legs? By the way he has a really nice butt too! I'm just sayin'.)

The day was WAY more humid than I'd like (96% humidity! Ug!). I was sweating so much that even wind resistance didn't keep the stinging sweat out of my eyes! At least it stayed mostly overcast though!

I was feeling really well (ok minus the vomit that for some reason decided to keep creeping up my throat into my mouth. I'll blame it on the illness that was making it's way through my family the week prior to this race). I enjoyed the magnificent scenery of the Salem coast and neighborhoods - with its sailboats floating in the harbor - under a slate gray sky, the French and Italian inspired mansions, the quaint historical buildings of American history. It is a pretty run.

I kept us slightly ahead of the pace goals that Justin had decided on, and things jut kept going along really well. I hit a slight wall around mile 9.5 but I think that is right when my Gu kicked in, so it didn't last too long. As soon as I made it to the top of the hill at mile 10 I was really hitting my stride. I really wanted to shift up to high gear. Maybe I just wanted to get the race over with! Unfortunately, Justin couldn't quite keep up the new pace with me (or as he likes to say he "couldn't accelorate." Really though what's the difference? :) haha ). I hope it's ok that I left him behind. Don't judge. I think it's a fair agreement - and yes, I would have been ok if he'd left me behind if the roles were reversed. But maybe he never would. Hmmm. Maybe I am a "terrible person" - I'll get over it.

The last few miles are always hard. I think no matter how fast or slow you are running they should always feel like hell. If you're running your race right, it should at least. I think races are the time to leave absolutely EVERYTHING on the course. Whatever that looks like for a person, it's the time to give it absolutely all you've got. That's one of the reasons I like races. It is the perfect situation to truly see how far you can go. For some reason just a training run on your own doesn't seem to create the same amped up experience as a race.

Side note: I don't think the last few miles should be so hard that you have to slow down your pace significantly or (heaven forbid) walk. If that's the case then you have probably not paced yourself correctly at the beginning of the race (but that is probably a subject for a running blog or something like that - which I don't have, so you're spared). It's only my opinion, but I just think you you should feel completely spent.

I was spent, sure enough. And coming around the last mile and that stupid little hill right towards the end about made me pass out! 

Minus the inch long blister I accrued during the run on my toe, I felt significantly better crossing the finish line this year than last.

 And thankfully Justin wasn't too far behind!

 

It was a fun race to do (mostly) together. 

We got to watch our friends cross the finish line together, and were so proud of Jeff who is working through his distaste of running. There's hope Jeff. And it all begins today!

Amy and I couldn't help busting a move to the soul pounding music. Something about 80's music just makes you want to do the running man, right?

Improving my last year's time by over 18 minutes and setting a new half marathon PR was magnificent!

Taking second place in my age division was above and beyond any expectations! I even got this cool glass to put my beer...I mean soda in! :)

But best of all is I feel way more prepared mentally and physically for my marathon in a few weeks. Now I know a bit better what to aim for during that race. And who knows? Maybe I'll just achieve it!

 

One more side note:

Regarding Running/Racing etiquette - When entering a water station take your water and keep moving. Don't come to a dead stop as soon as they hand you a cup. There are runners behind you! And by ALL MEANS, do NOT spit a mouthful of said water on the runner who just about plowed you over from behind and had to bust some crazy move to get around you! Your courtesy would be appreciated next time.

The Seven Year Itch?

Seven years ago I got to marry my best friend. It was an absolutely perfect day.

But really it's everything that happens after that day that matters right? I think that so many people look forward to getting married that they lose sight of the fact that the marriage actually begins after the wedding day. We dream up magical, perfect wedding days and forget that marriage is more than that. It's a life-time of learning, of sacrifice, of struggle, of learning to communicate with someone completely different than yourself; but also it's a lifetime of companionship, closeness, forgiveness, acceptance, and love. After the wedding day the real works begins - and it's great! Marriage is hard work but if your willing to do the work it is worth every second of it.

They say that around seven years of marriage is when couples start loosing interest in each other - the Seven Year Itch. I think, though, that it is just around 7 years that you really start to work out some of the major kinks. I think that is when marriage really has the potential to soar!

One of the things I love about Justin is that he not only is committed to me but he is committed to marriage. That becomes very important on the days where I may not particularly be his favorite person in the world - even the days when perhaps I don't deserve his love or commitment per se. It's then that his commitment to marriage holds him true to me, to us, and what we vowed seven years ago.

I think that too many people these days kind of embrace the "garbage disposal" mentality when it comes to marriage. "Well if it doesn't work out I can just throw it away and get a new one." Where are all the people who are committed to marriage? Committed to making marriage work! It doesn't happen on it's own. It takes work! A lot of work. But the reward for giving of yourself completely, of learning to forgive, to meet half way, of thinking of someone else first has pay-offs way beyond measure.

It has to be one of the most reassuring things in the world to be married to someone who knows the ugliest, worst parts of yourself and still stays with you, and still loves and adores you. I'm so thankful for a husband who loves me through it all and has a deep and true understanding of commitment.

Here's to making it to the "seven year itch" and way beyond! Here's to looking to forever.

How Old Are You?

You'd think I would wash those dirty hands, retake the picture and post that one on the blog - but there's something so FIVE about it. It's so telling of what it's like to have a 5 year old! Don't let the pretty little dress fool you, there's no keepin' this active, rambunctious gal clean or all put together. That's what makes being 5 so fun though right?

Too much rain lately, and busy schedules has made it hard to get out and get her 5-year-old pictures. We snuck a 20 minute session in and this is all I was able to manage to capture. I'll have to get out again. But for now here are a few pictures of my adorable, spunky, sweet, energetic, happy, passionate, helpful, and silly Sage!

Just Because She's So Darn Cute

I often change my wallpaper on my desktop and right now this is what graces the screen. Everytime I see it I can't help but smile. This little one simply makes me so happy!